Comm 225 Blog #2

In this blog I will be focusing on the following concepts: conflict being natural in relationships, external pressures on friendship, and internal tensions in friendships.

The first concept: Conflict occuring Naturally in Relationships

A basic principle in conflict is that conflict itself is natural in interpersonal r

elationships. We cannot go 100% without conflict in relationships, if we are significantly (or even slightly, depending on the person and relationship) involved. One highly interesting point that Julia Wood points out is "Actually, engaging in conflict indicates that people are involved with each other. If they weren't, there would be no need to resolve differences. This is a good point to keep in mind when conflicts arise, because it reminds us that a strong connection underlies even disagreement." (pp.225)

This applies to me in that sometimes my best friend and I have conflict issues. We have known each other for over ten years and in that time, we have had plenty of conflict. Whether it was over wanting to do completely different things or fighting over the same boy, we've shared many conflicts. But knowing that conflict is natural, and that is not completely about fighting as it is about how you fight is a good thing to keep in mind. You have to "fight fair." Conflict will happen, but it's how you handle it that counts.

The following is a cute example of how a child had a small qualm with the Tooth Fairy.

Another example of conflict is in the song "The Other Side of the Door" by Taylor Swift. It is a song about conflict between her and her boyfriend. She says "In the heat of the fight, I walked away. Ignoring words that you were saying, trying to make me stay. I said, "This time I had enough." And you've called a hundred times, But I'm not pickin' up. 'Cause I'm so mad, I might tell you that it's over."

My second and third concepts both fall under Friendship Pressures: Internal Tensions and External Pressures.

Internal pressures deal with "relationship stresses that grow out of people and their interactions" (pp. 263.) One of the most interesting concepts within internal pressures is relational dialetics. These are opposing needs that often confuse people who find themselves feeling both. The three dialetic groups are connection/autonomy, openness/privacy, and novelty/familiarity. Our needs can vary based on who and what. One example of this is my friend here at CSUSB. She is interested in this guy and of course wants to spend time with him, yet she is fine not being with him all the time. She thought this was strange until I was able to explain the relational dialetics concepts to her. this helped her to see that though one has two opposing needs, both are valid and have their place. Another interesting sub-concept in internal pressure is sexual attraction. This is the idea that when girls and guys have relationships, there is oftentimes a sexual attraction. It may not be super obvious, but there is an underlying tension between two persons.

Here is a clip from "Anchorman" illustrating an innocent example of the concept:

The final concept is external pressures. These are elements outside of our own personal issues. These may include competing demands, personal changes, and geographic distance (pp. 266-267.) When any or all of these factors are present, this can cause a strain on the relationship. For example, in competing demands, it may be hard for one friend when another friend starts a new romantic relationship with a new partner. Since the friend is investing more time into the new romance, the other friend may feel all alone and left out, feeling as though they cannot compete for the attention of their friend any longer. Another example of competing demands may be career wise. This clip from "Hitch" illustrates how a woman supposedly will say that her career is keeping her too busy to date, when in fact, she is just making excuses.

Another element of external pressure is geographic distance (p.267.) Some friendships can handle distance, whereas others cannot and grow apart. When I lived in Hawai'i for a semester last year, the friendship between me and my best friend survived and while it may not have been the stringest point of our friendship, we still found ways to keep in touch (Skype, snail mail, texting, etc.)

Comm 225 Blog #1

In this particular blog post, I will be focusing on three main concepts: Johari Window, Kinesics, and Silence. I will be defining them, applying them to my personal life, and posting a little something that may help to illustrate the concept.

Johari Window:

Johari Window is a model that was created by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram. It's purpose was to show how different things form our self-development. The Johari Window is divided into four categories: Open area, Hidden area, Blind area, and Unknown area.

Open area refers to the areas that we ourselves know about, as well as others knowing that information.

Hidden area is the area of ourselves that we keep under wraps. It may be a "dirty little secret" or an embarrassing moment in our lives.

Blind area if the portion of Johari window that shows what people know about us that we may not know about ourselves. This could be a talent that people see that we have or an observation about our behavior that we are so accustomed to that we don't realize that we do it.

Unknown area is just that: unknown. It can be as simple as not knowing what the future holds.

Different people can have different sized "windows." Their hidden area may be the largest area, or another may have a very large open area, with very little in hidden, and so on.

Johari window applies to everyone, but as far as personal application, I can give an example of each area.

For me, open area is my name, major, who my family is, and what my jobs are. Hidden area is comprised of many things, but one would be that I used to be home-schooled (so now, in this case, that information would be moved to the open area.)

A friend recently gave me a perfect example of blind area. He said that if we are walking and I get mad at him, I will stop walking. This helps to illustrate my being upset with him. He further discussed this with my best friend, and it apparently is a behavior that I do engage in without formerly noticing it.

As far as hidden area, the one example I could give is not knowing the future. I do not know which graduate school I will attend, or if I will at all. I don't know who I'll marry or how many children I will have. These things fall into the hidden area for the time being.

Here is a link that categorizes your own Johari Window, based on choosing several words that describe you best.

The next concept I will be explaining is kinesics.

Kinesics is basically our body language, including the face.

As this is nonverbal, it can reveal many things about who we are, as well as who we may be trying to portray ourselves as in a certain moment. It is not necessarily only nonverbal though. We can be using kinesics to accent the things we are saying. One example Julia Wood's book Interpersonal Communication gives is speaking with your hands. Italians are often assumed to always be talking and gesturing with their hands. This brings up the importance of cultural awareness. In other cultures, one gesture that you may find innocent enough may translate over to something vulgar or offensive.

The speed and frequency of our gestures or body movements can indicate certain things as well. If we are speaking and moving our hands quickly, we may seemed hurried or pressed for time. If you add a frowning face, you may assume that the person is angry, even if you do not hear their conversation. Our body language (kinesics) can communicate what we mean accurately, or it can be misleading (intensionally, or not). The following clip illustrates that:

A personal example of this in my life would be in my Communication 330 class. When I don't know the answer to a question that my professor is asking, I will look down to indicate that I do not want to answer, hoping that he will not call on me. Another example would be when I am talking to someone that I don't enjoy being around. I communicate this by backing away or rocking back and forth. I may cross my arms or glance around at other things. These are all kinesics- from the facial expressions to the obvious body movements.

The last concept I will be discussing is silence.

Silence is a powerful tool. Silence is, obviously, a nonverbal behavior.

It can easy communicate that we are angry with someone, or that we are tired or cranky. It can say that things are weird between two parties, or it can be an indicator that all is well because silence can be comfortable in certain relationships. Silence also varies by culture. In some cases, silence is a way of being polite, whereas in other cultures to not speak up may be rude or awkward. Silence may vary by religion, family, and romantic relationship.

One way silence has been used is my life is to indicate when I am angry. At times, I will choose not to say anything, not talk to a friend first, because I am trying to send a nonverbal message that I am upset.

At other times in my life, silence has meant that I am comfortable with someone. My best friend and I do not always have to be talking when we are hanging out, we can sit in silence without it being awkward or uncomfortable. The meaning of silence really does differ by relationship and situation.

First post!

Hi Sun and Morgan!

Here is my blog, I'll be posting my content later on, probably tomorrow!